Nobody knows why Miklos took his own life. These men may be physically strong, but in many cases, they are also emotionally vulnerable. We also need to provide them with emotional support and promote their inclusion in society instead of alienating them on the basis of what they do or used to do. We should help them find meaningful occupation somewhere else if they leave the industry. We must look more seriously at what working in the sex industry does to performers’ mental health. Whatever people think about porn and its place in society, it is not going away, as internet viewing figures will attest. His death should be taken as a wake-up call. So how would he have secured a job? What support did he have outside of the sex industry? Where was he supposed to turn for advice? The stigma attached to working in porn would have prevented him from being able to disclose his work history to a potential employer. But who was going to employ him for anything else? I suspect after 15 years in porn he was thirsting for some appreciation and validation on the basis of something other than his physical attributes and sexual voracity. But how easy is it to let go of an identity you have so much invested in? What do you do once the sex industry is through with you?Īrpad Miklos was a chemist in his native Hungary, where he was born Péter Kozma, before being ‘discovered’ and flown to America to make his name.
‘It’s okay for me to sit here in my bedroom and watch two men having sex for money, but it’s less okay to actually do it.’Īnd if the ‘sex object’ does start to get too old, or the industry stops paying? Move on and find something else to do. After all, we are the ones who ensure its continuation and proliferation.ĭespite this, I think we have a very ‘us and them’ approach to it. Men in particular have a strong urge to view porn, yet associate doing so with shame and sin.īut if we are watching porn, then we are as much a part of the industry as the makers of it. Our ambivalence towards porn and its performers is analogous with the conflict we feel about watching it.
So your friendships and relationships will largely exist within the context of your professional life. You either have to fill the role you have been given, thereby promoting an inauthentic and one-dimensional version of yourself, or retreat from the world outside of the sex industry entirely. This must be extremely damaging to the psyche of any sex worker because if you are viewed so myopically, you are left with very little room to maneuver. We dehumanize them by negating their wholeness. We make their identity indistinguishable from what they do to earn a living. It can take its toll emotionally.’Īs a society, we do stigmatize sex workers. ‘You give a lot of yourself for what can seem like very little in return. ‘Like any physically demanding, socially-vexed form of labor, sex work isn’t easy work – not least because of the stigma and meager income. In the wake of Miklos’s death, Colby Keller, another gay porn actor, referenced his suicide in his blog, stating: ‘While I don’t pretend to fully know the rationale behind his decision, I can say that I’ve struggled myself with depression and suicide. There are no easy answers to these questions, and I do not pose them on moral grounds, but rather to highlight the conflict that exists within each individual when he takes stock of his actions. Can we fully respect ourselves whilst having sex with others for money? What psychological effect does it have on a man when sex stops connoting pleasure and human connection and starts being work? Are we able to separate sex from emotion? And if we are, is that a good thing? He was 45 years old.Īs sex is seen by most of us as an enjoyable act, the fact more porn actors die from suicide or drug overdoses than the general population may seem counter-intuitive.īut then again, having sex for money under any circumstances raises questions about the link between how we use our sexuality and our self-esteem. He was found dead in his New York apartment on 3 February, having committed suicide. As the debate rages on about the effect the ‘porn epidemic’ is having on our relationships, our youth, the expectations we have of our partners and our collective insecurity over whether we are measuring up sexually, I think it is time we gave some attention to the performers themselves.Īrpad Miklos is the latest in a steady procession of gay porn stars to die prematurely.